Deborah Stokes Sharp discusses the emotional and social challenges of managing reflux, focusing on finding the balance between personal health needs and maintaining relationships with others.
Emotional Well-being and the Challenges of Chronic Illness
Josef Kreitmayer
Welcome to another session at the Reflux Summit. We have another amazing guest today: Deborah Sharp. Deborah is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a certified group psychotherapist, and a fellow of the American Group Psychotherapy Association. She has a unique perspective on the emotional and relational challenges individuals face while living with a chronic condition like acid reflux. She specializes in group therapy and habit change, helping people manage emotional well-being. Deborah, welcome.
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Thank you; it’s so good to be here. I’m really glad you’ve invited me. The emotional and relational aspects of managing a chronic illness are so important. While medical management is vital, the rest of life matters too.
Josef Kreitmayer
Absolutely. Chronic illness strains relationships, especially when something as fundamental as sharing meals becomes a challenge. Healing often requires major habit changes, and emotional well-being is a pillar of that journey. I’m excited you brought a presentation on this topic.
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Yes, I often present on habit change and also work with people on mood management—both individually and in relationships. I’ll share some tips and tricks, though those are only part of the picture. An individualized self-care and relational-care plan is key, but hopefully, these ideas can serve as a starting point.
Managing Anxiety and Depression with Behavioral Tools
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Let’s start with habit change. When you’re living with reflux, there are usually specific habits you’ve been told to change. Chronic illness often impacts mood, and this can become circular—mood affects condition management, and the condition affects mood.
Anxiety often shows up in our thoughts as catastrophizing or focusing on what could go wrong. Physically, you might notice a rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, muscle tension, or repetitive behaviors. Some strategies that help include deep belly breathing, hydration, nutrition, movement, and mindfulness.
Taking 10 deep belly breaths every hour and a half can calm the nervous system. Place your hand on your belly and breathe so it moves outward while your shoulders stay relaxed. The inhale moves the diaphragm and signals the brain to calm down. A full exhale is especially relaxing.
Staying hydrated is important. If you’re drinking enough water, you’ll likely need to use the restroom every 90 minutes—use that as a natural reminder.
Magnesium-rich foods like dark leafy greens, chia seeds, cashews, quinoa, and beans can help if tolerated.
Epsom salt baths or mineral hot springs relax muscles and reduce anxiety.
Vigorous exercise is another powerful tool. If anxiety persists, increase the dose. Exercise helps regulate the nervous system.
Meditation is also helpful—even two minutes a day matters. The goal isn’t to eliminate thoughts but to gently return your attention when it wanders. That’s the training.
Yoga is a moving meditation that combines breath, movement, and mindfulness.
With depression, it’s important to recognize that depression lies. It tells you that things are hopeless, that you’re defective, unloved, or failing. Don’t trust those thoughts—check them with a trusted friend, advisor, or therapist.
Physical movement is essential. Depression drains motivation, so start very small. One client began by walking to the end of her driveway. Success builds on success.
The CDC recommends 150 minutes of movement per week, but even 10-minute increments help.
Tryptophan-rich foods like eggs, cheese, turkey, salmon, and tofu support serotonin production, and about 70% of serotonin is made in the gut.
Spending time outdoors, especially in natural settings, improves mood. Sunlight and organic shapes help regulate the brain.
Finally, practice collecting joy points—small moments that spark joy, like a funny interaction with a pet or sunlight breaking through clouds. Aim for five per day and reflect on them before bed. Make them vivid and specific, not just abstract gratitude.
Tips, Tricks, and Physical Practices
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Arching your back and opening your chest can boost energy.
Hanging forward from the waist can calm the nervous system.
Deep belly breathing engages the diaphragm and promotes relaxation.
Smiling—even when forced—creates a positive feedback loop to the brain.
Singing or chanting can soothe anxiety and elevate mood.
Try the victory pose with arms raised in a V. Research shows it can increase confidence and reduce stress.
Foundations for Habit Change
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Sustainable change requires a clear goal and a simple tracking or accountability system. This can be an app, a spreadsheet, or even pen and paper.
Start by tracking what you’re currently doing before trying to change anything. Awareness helps you identify where choice becomes possible and where barriers exist—whether structural, environmental, or relational.
Use SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound. Instead of saying “I want to be healthier,” try “I’ll walk 15 minutes in my neighborhood at 6 p.m. every day.”
Focus on one habit at a time. Choose either the highest priority habit or the easiest one for early success, such as drinking more water. Break goals into small, manageable steps.
Habit Change and the Four Rubin Tendencies
Deborah Stokes Sharp
As change begins, resistance often appears. Gretchen Rubin describes four habit-change tendencies.
Upholders meet both inner and outer expectations easily.
Obligers meet outer expectations but struggle with inner ones unless there’s accountability.
Questioners resist outer expectations but comply once they understand the logic.
Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations and need flexibility.
Upholders mainly need a plan. Questioners need evidence and rationale. Obligers need an accountability partner. Rebels benefit from multiple options rather than rigid goals.
For rebels, traditional SMART goals may backfire. Flexibility works better.
Helpful books include The Power of Habit, Self-Compassion, and Atomic Habits.
Deborah’s 8-Week Program and the Power of Group Work
Josef Kreitmayer
Can you tell us more about your eight-week program?
Deborah Stokes Sharp
The program is called Mood, Food, and Groove. It includes up to eight participants meeting virtually for 75 minutes each week.
Sessions include teaching, sharing, and process work—exploring emotional responses to change.
Participants track habits, identify barriers, and celebrate successes.
Group work highlights both our similarities and differences and fosters a sense of belonging, which many people with chronic illness are missing.
Navigating Relationships and Chronic Illness
Josef Kreitmayer
Many people with reflux feel isolated. What emotional struggles do they face?
Deborah Stokes Sharp
A common belief is “I’m different, therefore I don’t belong.” While experiences are unique, that doesn’t mean exclusion. Depression reinforces this false narrative.
Group support helps create a felt sense of inclusion and shared experience.
Josef Kreitmayer
What about managing chronic illness in romantic or family relationships, especially when food and mealtime are involved?
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Communication is essential. A common trap is when the individual and the illness become a unit and the partner is left outside.
Instead, view the couple as the unit and the illness as the external challenge.
Joint planning around symptoms, meals, and routines builds shared responsibility and prevents resentment.
Setting Boundaries with Compassion
Josef Kreitmayer
How can people set boundaries around food and social settings while maintaining loving relationships?
Deborah Stokes Sharp
Use a “yes, and” approach. Yes, I want to attend—and I have specific needs.
Not everyone will love your boundaries, and that’s okay. Emotional support from friends, groups, or spiritual communities can help.
Having a plan makes it easier to communicate needs and hold boundaries with compassion.
It’s not about withdrawing from life—it’s about participating in a way that supports healing.
